Testing... Testing....

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Yes, I am alive. No, I still don't know what the hell is going on in my life. But who really does?


I have been telling myself to blog lately. I also have been telling myself not to eat ice cream. But that's not happening either.

So here is what IS going on and a catch up. I'm going to throw this at you ADD style, just like all the crap I have running through my head all day long:

1. Running, training for my first half. Must run. Thighs are smaller when you run. Compression pants cut off blood supply to your vagina. You will live through it. JUST. KEEP. RUNNING.
2. My youngest son, The Outlaw (nickname, don't get crazy) started kindergarten. I love you kid but seriously, get it together. Yesterday's "check in" email informed me he poked a girl in the eye. "But I was tickling her" IN THE EYE???
3. We got a dog. Um hmmm, where do I start? How bout the fun part where I am allergic? Yay, that's a good start. So ya, we got a dog. It's a chocolate lab for all those "OH MY GOD! How cute, what kind did you get????" people out there. I have never really had a dog. And if you know me I shouldn't need to say much, but he is growing on me.
4.Crazy season at work is about to start. Nothing new about that. Just means I lose a tun of sleep worrying about crap I shouldn't.
5.My musical turets is oddly calm right now. Minus the Shania Twain Pandora station yesterday. Lot's of crazy yelling of country music. I think it's the combo of running and a dog. No time for musical turrets. So sad.
6.My hair is blonde again. I died it dark brown for a while. It was kinda cool in a let's-be-dark-and-mysterious kinda way. But I think it was more like a emphasize-my-major-dark-circles-around-my eyes kinda way.
7.I really plan to go pinterest batshit crazy Halloween style this year. I'll let you know how that goes.
8.I signed up for Bellydancing. Yes, I am crazy. Yes, my junk will jiggle. I have always wanted to try it. I'm not getting any younger....
9. I can't wait for fall. I was always a "summer" girl. But I think once you gain weight and have chub rub, Fall is your new favorite time of year. That and I can bake, and knit, and sew, and wear big clothes to hide the fact I keep losing and gaining the same 5 pounds....
10.I blogged today. What random thing did you do?

Pop Tart it up!

So this happened...

Yes, that is Chocolate Halloween Pop Tarts, and because there isn't enough sugar in that I had to wash it down with something that had a comparable level of chemicals and sugar- COKE! Ta da.

Just keeping it real people. I got up at 5am today and worked out. Had every intention of being awesome and non-fatty like. And wham. Just like a fat girl I got down on this. I did share some of my pop tart if that's worth anything.

Happy Tuesday. I already have the headache from the sugar. Can't wait for the crash....

Holla at a Playa!

This was this mornings text... not the creepy guy part, the workout part... the 9/20 text...

I guess I need to catch you guys up.

After my blog melt down the other day I sort of stepped back. I want to give EVERYONE a HUGE thanks for your comments and messages about that days blog. It made me feel more human and let me know we are all struggling in our own ways. 
Now back to the above.

I received a text the other day from my Ya Ya that stated, in the most saddening and, hmmm whats the word, possibly un enthusiastic text (at least that is how I read it ) that she would soon be starting INSANITY (please say this word quickly and like a car salesman. Cus that's how I say it,  possibly throw in some jazz hands for no other reason but because for some reason it seems fitting.) Long story why she is doing it, but I will say this. My Ya Ya is hard-core-kick-ass-squat till your butt hits the floor-no-joke work out-er chick. She and I don't play games when it comes to our workouts. Yet another reason why she is my Ya Ya. I immediately told her to send me a copy and we can be pathetic together. Maybe I should also mention that we agree on being too cool for some things. See list below:

1. Twilight
2. Owls
3. 50 Shades of Lame
4. Things like INSANITY. (yes, it has to be in all capitals)

So doing this video thing seems pretty lame. And speaking of lame. I let her know that instead of sending me a copy I can instead be uber lame and do my husbands P90X video's! OMG let's be pathetic together! Even though I think INSANITY is way cooler then P90X, cus all we get is the x hands cross thing and it is apparently for the people who are not cool enough to do INSANITY. So now I have been doing that for a couple days. Getting up at 5am, UGH! And the above is a text admitting how super lame I am. I was surprised to feel sore. For heavens sake, this morning I did things called Superman Banana and wacky jacks!? How can you take this seriously? But like Ya Ya said.... humbling


Happy Thursday! Holla at a Playa!

Bingo!

Sometimes you just need to laugh.... and give up. This morning I woke up and did my stupid 30 minute workout video. Because OMG its so freaking awesome. I roll over and birds chirp and my thighs aline with the moons axis and jump out of bed ready to lunge and squat with joy and adulation.

Oh geez for f- sake. Who am I kidding. I'm about to eat a burrito for lunch and wish they delivered. But really. I did get up at 5:15 and lunge and squat. Did you know when you have busted ass thighs with lots of jiggly bits and try to do jumping jacks they make a slapping sound? No, well in case I just ruined your life, sorry for the over share, but I just keep it real.

Got to work and found a blog that made me laugh really really laugh. I needed that. Thanks blog lady who will never know I am thanking her cus I don't know really how to link a blog and thank you properly.

This weekend my husband and FBI agent (aka my 6 yo son, if you ever run into him, don't let him interrogate you or have anything in your possession he may want) are going to Chico. NO he is too young to party. They are going to Psycholand?! At least that is what FBI calls it. Our neighbor is racing (he is 6 too) and FBI gets to try and ride a 50 for the first time. So here is my worry. My husband is the "suck it up, I'll kick you in the head, Shrek type". My 6 yo is calculative, over thinks, OCD, possibly might geek out type. I don't know how this is going to play out. Sad I won't get to see his first ride ever. But glad I won't have to deal with my husbands frustration after FBI freaks out, falls over and possibly may not get back on the bike problem.


Anyway, I hope to go to BINGO this weekend. Ya, that's what I said.....

flip the switch.

I just want to turn it all off. Check out for a while. I don't know if this is the appropriate place to write this. Maybe someone feels the same way and it can help knowing I feel the same. Maybe it will remind people how bat shit crazy I am.

I am fucking done. My mind goes a million miles an hour. Constantly worrying about what I do and will it piss someone off, will today be the day I fuck up everything at work. What did I eat, why did I eat that, how many calories are in that? Am I a horrible person  for not picking my son up from school like all the other moms. Am I a good enough wife. How can I let people know I care about them that are so far away. Why didn't I work out today, or if I did maybe I should work out again, or harder. What about money, do we have enough. The holidays are coming up. OH look something shiny. The list goes on forever and its always going. I want to turn it off. BUT HOW???

Can't take up drinking. God only knows what that will do for my hips. Not to mention I'm the one taking care of the kids, ya, no bueno.

So how does this work? How do people find balance? How do you be happy? Please send suggestions, and chocolate....

Note Disclaimer....

*disclaimer- see note on bottom of page first

So today I told myself I needed to blog. So much in my mind and not having blogged in a while I knew it needed to be done, but at the same time not knowing what to really blog about. So here is a, possibly depressing blog post today, with some serious ADD through in for good measure.

ADD

I have been doing pretty good that last couple days eating and have been getting up in the early am to do workouts. Not my favorite by any means, but 30 minutes of sweat is better then not sweating at all right?

ADD

Remember that blog a bit ago with allllll the trophies? Well, I finally just through them away. And I mean, I literally just came back from the garbage and walked back to my computer and started writing this. It makes me sad to throw all those memories away.  Dancing was who I WAS. It was how I identified myself and my saving grace. Especially during high school. High school was hell for me. Like, literal hell. You know how everyone says "if I could only go back to high school". I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Sure I had some awesome friends and amazing times. I am am thankful for that. Because with out those people I may not be here right now. But dance was the one thing that I was passionate about. That I loved, that shushed all the negative crap around me and made me feel awesome. I long for that feeling again.

ADD

So this week I have tried something new. 

I have always assumed people don't like me. (revert back to high school and one might say I am jaded from that time) So assuming people don't like me, and are judging me constantly about my actions, and especially my weight. I try to stay away from people. Like, unless I see you daily I assume you think I am a bitch and/or "damn she's put on some weight" and with that assumption, the first or the second, I walk away from people.  I avoid them, sometimes I am sorry to say I am even rude about it. I m always defensive, anxious and did I mention defensive? 

So this week I have tried to assume that everyone loves me, thinks I'm the greatest thing since a Starbucks drive thru and that  they don't care how wide my ass has gotten. And I want to say that it has worked most of the time. It made me engage with people more then I would have. And that's a good start right?!

ADD

I am so excited for fall I can't stand it! Bought me some new boots and skinny jeans and can't wait to rock them. I have been pinning all kinds of fall crafts on pintrest (drink) and am excited to start breaking out the sewing machine, glitter, baking supplies and knitting needles. Anyone else excited for fall!????

Have a great weekend everyone! Go do something crafty and fun!

*** DISCLAIMER- I am sorry for the modge podge of thoughts in this post. also as an added bonus I did not proof read it:) You may need to drink first in order for any of it to make sense. cheers!

We need to talk....

I don't know if you have seen the post on pintrest (drink) about wearing mom jeans? The picture is a side by side of a girl wearing two different styles of jeans. One looks great (Ya if I was a size five with a little butt I would look amazing too) and the other looks good but not as amazing. Unlike some people who pin lots of crap on pintrest (drink) I actually read, craft, go back and use a lot of the crap I pin. Anyway, the pins link takes you to a blog about wearing jeans and rockin' styles that work and are NOT mom jeans. She even specifies what specific things to look for to make sure they are not mom jeans.

here is the link for what I am talking about.... Here is the thing. I get a lot of jeans from Old Navy and Levi. I started to think about my jeans and I have a feeling...

DUN
DUN
DUUUUNNNNNNN.

I MAY own a pair of mom jeans, I may also be in denial. And to get even more real up in here. I am wearing them today.... The pocket placement is at my butt, not on the curve, AND to get even more out of control the waist sits at my belly button! OMG- what have I done! Its not like they are acid wash or anything! Don't get that crazy. (However, I am also wearing neon yellow sweatbands at this moment. A gift from a co-worker. They match my yellow cardigan I am wearing today. HALAAA! Thanks Jaime!) But they suck in my gut so nicely. I don't have to worry about my baby moosh spilling over the top of my jeans while I sit at my desk. And speaking of sitting at a desk. How could anyone really know I am even wearing mom jeans, besides the fact I just told you. Oh crap. So what do I do? I work in a warehouse, and during shipping season I help out in the warehouse and there is no need to even care what you look like cus your lugging boxes all day. Do I get rid of them?? What do I do? Damn you pintrest (drink) for informing me of my flaws. I curse you but at the same time I guess it was sort of like an intervention and now I know. Pandora's box has been opened. The only way to solve this problem is to go shopping. Really I mean how else can this be resolved?! Then I guess I should say Thank you, thank you pintrest (drink, damn hope your not a light weight!) for opening my eyes and giving me a true excuse reason to go shopping.

Happy Wednesday all. Hope I have left you educated and let me know if you too need to join me in my jean shopping mission!

Figured out how to add pictures!

So today this happened....

As I may have mentioned I used to dance and stuff. My dad has been cleaning out a storage locker recently and found some of my trophies. Some have already made there way to the trophy graveyard, AKA the garbage. I have had them sitting in my office in the box for a while now and today my co workers decided to have an intervention of epic proportions and bring them all out and make me pose with them. Please also note the banner they put on my wall from one of my dance conferences I went to. SUPER AWESOME! It made me miss it all. Next month I am hopefully starting a new dance class I have always wanted to try, if my kids sports schedules don't get too crazy. Stand by for that announcement.

In other news, my eating has been OK. With back to school and new soccer season starting and soon my other son is starting something as well I will have to re vamp my schedule some how to get in at lease 4 days a week. I did get up at 5 am yesterday and did a video. I am thinking of having a Monday morning weigh-in, complete with posting my current weight. But people in this town are caddy, no, not you though, your great.... but I am afraid to put myself "out there" like that....

I will however put this picture out in the universe....

You are welcome.

Bad, Bad Dream

I don't know about you, and I have been told that I'm crazy, ya ya stop laughing, I know I'm bat shit, anyway. I have REALLY vivid crazy dreams, do we need to recall the "I got hit by a bus" blog??? 

Last night I drempt I was having to twirl in a parade. (Andi I blame you and your pinning batons for this) When I pulled up my costume I have all this excess, loose, wrinkly, oddly very tan skin hanging from my legs from hip to knee. I was HORRIFIED that I had to march looking like this. And then I woke up.

Maybe this is a warning. A warning that if I don't tone up and loose some lbs that is my future. Also, use some sun screen for heavens sake! Geez! Tan legs are great, looking at them all wrinkly and jiggly, not so much.

On to another topic. I saw in my favorite blog today that she is doing a give away for these headbands. Apparently the don't slip. This chic lives in TX and is an avid runner and soft ball player. If she says they work. They have to work. bic bands. They look super cute. I am going to order one and see if they are worth it. I will keep you posted!!!

Start of week 4- an update

 

Holly hell its been hot lately. And you know what happens when its hot and you have fat legs? Chub rub.... ugh. Wha? TMI?? Seriously though that stuff hurts and reminds me to lay off the ice cream.

And in other news.... I have been drinking water like crazy! The people at my work may hate me because I use the bathroom so much. I am thinking of getting a pedometer to see how many steps I take a day just to the bathroom. Does the urge ever stop? Geez.

So a couple weeks ago I mentioned that I hired a trainer and my goal was to loose 20 pounds in ten weeks.  So far I am only down 3. Waa Waa Waaaaaaa. Lay off the sugar fatty..... Damn. I am putting in the workouts. Now its time to suck it up and DO WORK! I got this. I have started using my calorie counting app again and have been bringing stuff to work to eat. I will keep you posted for next weeks weigh in. I can tell that I am starting to tone up. That is awesome. I LOVE feeling strong, I just have to remember that feeling when I want sugar at night.

Is everyone ready for school to start??

When in doubt, bike it out...

Afternoon all! Today is suppose to be a HOT one!

Yesterday I hit up the gym for a little cardio. I decided to try something different. I started at a low setting on the ellitical (mine was 7) and every time the song changed I upped the resistance by one. And as an added bonus when a really good hook would come on a song I had to sprint. It was AMAZING yet horrible all at the same time. The was sweat and jiggling and rocking out. To onlookers I was a "people watching" dream I'm sure. At level 11 I wanted to cry. Didn't make much past that and hopped on the bike. Haven't done the bike in forever do to a knee issue but what the heck... right?! Knees are over rated. So then I did random resistance till I had to leave and get home. couple notes on riding the bike:

1. Use two towels, one on either elbow rest for maximum comfort and to ward off elbow slippage and sweat.

2. Pick a rocking station on Pandora and don't be affraid to rock out while riding  I like Pitbull (i'm so hard core right!?, WHAM!,  Tone Loc, Salt N Peppa

3. Be mindful of where your shirt and pants meet. No one wants to see you whale tale or muffin top! which brings me to number 4.

4. From experience- make the proper underwear selection prior to your workout if you're going to hit the bike that day. See number 3 and/or know there will be friction. We will just leave it at that.

5. Don't be a sissy la la and not challenge yourself. I hate seeing people riding the bike and look all "look at me, I'm riding the bike super fast and I'm so cool. I've been on this thing for 30 minutes now and I still have no sign of back sweat." Um , you are an IDIOT and a waste of gym space. Turn up the resistance, crank the tunes, and stop bouncing like a freak on the seat because you don't have enough resistance. Sweat should be oozing out of you. Yes, oozing, that is what workouts on a bike do, they cause you to ooze.

6. If you have some junk in the truck sitting on the bike seat will suck. I can only imagine what it looks like from the back but I'm sure its wide and it ain't pretty. You will probably have to adjust your position several times. I always seem to feel like I am going to fall off the seat forward. Maybe that's just me?

7. Use the foot straps. You don't have to be all fancy and get the clip shoes (unless your SO hard core), but do take the time to adjust the straps, it makes for a better workout and your foot won't slip off causing you to bang your cankle on the bike. (why is it asking my to spell check cankle, its a word!!)

8. See number 3

9. Drink water! Like I said there will be lots of oozing and if you listen you have extra towels to catch said ozzing and if you are challenging yourself there will be lots of it so you must HYDTRATE!

10. the next day you will feel violated. yes, that's what I said.

out of the box

Bla Bla Bla, fell off the wagon, there were a few ice cream involved incidences....

But here I am... blogging. Not letting the fat win the fight. I don't know if I told you guys but for the last couple weeks I have had a brand new scale sitting on my bedroom floor just waiting to pop out of the box, like one of those creepy jack-in-the boxes. And if I said I opened it before. I lied. Today I did. Not what I wanted to see, but these thighs weren't built in a day. I have gotten in some crazy workouts lately. Some I loved, others I wanted to cry and kick someone in the throat. But I didn't give up. So that counts for something....

My sons Birthday party was great. The weather was totally bi polar that day. The kids did get to swim for a bit. The bounce house was just the thing to save the day and the kids loved it!

So ya, I'm here... just drinking some water and thinking about what I won't be eating for dinner.... waaa waa waaaaaaa.

Over Share and 50 Shades Update

Lately I have been on a quest. One that I am still on. The perfect workout "shorts", not to be confused with bike shorts. I don't know about your legs, but I have what some like to call "soccer" legs. You know the ones. Mine are from years of dance. Thick, muscular (getting there slowly, but currently have a nice extra helping of "padding") and will never be mistaken for toothpicks. Ya those. I will easily admit that I am very particular about my workout wear. And it will depend on that days confidence level what I will wind up wearing. Currently I like knee length cotton shorts or capri length black spandex workout pants. The thicker the better, as to not see the dimples in my ass as I to kettle bells swings ect. and also to reduce the amount of jiggle. Tops- I LOVE to wear my ruffles with love (look her up on etsy) tank top that says sweat is fat crying.  Or I wear anything that will stay down, not show off the baby jiggle, is hopefully sleeveless, and is the right amount of loose meets tight. I told you I was picky...

Lately my legs have been telling me they need to be free. With the hot weather I want to wear shorts. I see all the strong confident women wearing running shorts. I want to too!! pick me, pick me! But here is where my problem lies. Did I mention I have thick legs? Ok, you got it. Now here is where I over share- My inner thighs have a tendency to eat my shorts and they bunch up in my crotch leaving me to embarrassingly tug them down every five seconds during my workout. There must be something out there for girls like me! Right?! I can't possibly be the only girl with this problem. So I will continue my search, unless one of my readers have already solved this problem?? Please do tell!

50 Shades update:

I stopped reading at page 63. She just got picked up at the bar. Here are my findings so far: SHE IS A FREAKING WHINER!! If I want to read a chick whining, I would read my own blog, geez. So needless to say, I have stopped reading it and lent it to a friend who "OMG I love it" bla bla bla. I have picked up a book I have been wanting to read for a while and "OMG, I love it." Bossypants by Tina Fey. She is just my kind of offensive and snide humor. I know we would totally be BFF's in real life. Tina, if your reading this call me!

Happy Thursday! Hope it doesn't suck.

And Then....

So as an update: yesterdays workout was insane-tastic! It was hard and mentally challenging and made me feel amazing.

and then...

no and then...

and then....

NO and then....

The bad "self talk" (what a lame term for talking crap about yourself) starts, the mirror says you are lumpy, and your kids pat your stomach during story time and say "wow its so mushy, are you pregnant?", and the scale says its not gunna budge. BIG DEEP BREATH. I come from many years of  treating myself like crap so its gunna take some time to tell that part of me to shut the f$#^% up! and move on! I just wish it happened sooner then later, the same way I wish my ass would shrink like shrinky dinks in the oven, I love those things, what ever happened to those? 

My boys where up all night coughing so I kept them home today. Maybe the lack of sleep helps my evil twin yell more loudly. I am sure more coffee will silence her along with keeping myself busy.

Have a happy Wednesday to all my readers. Wishing you a fabulous day. And when you doubt yourself or tell yourself worthless thoughts, take a deep breath and tomorrow is another day! Also if you see me out and about today and I look like I am hyperventilating, you know why!

Stepin' out with my baby

YAY! It's Tuesday!!! Not feeling it? Ya, me either. But today is better then yesterday. I did manage to drag my sorry butt to the gym yesterday. My head wasn't in it, and I knew if I did a workout on my own it would be sucky, so I checked the schedule and took the one class they were offering at that time. Step.

Yep, I took a old fashioned, lets blow out your knees, holly crap how do they have so many risers on their step?, step class. Haven't taken one in years. It was actually a good challenge for my brain and a nice break from the usual.

Today I am going to try another new class they just started offering at my gym. Boot camp. Now I love me some boot camp style classes and have taken several before from other places so I am anxious to see how this one stacks up against the rest. The teacher is my trainer so I know I will get my ass handed to me. As a bonus it should be nice and hot so throwing up may be an option.  I have already started to chug water like a college kid at a frat party so I hope it all works out well. I will let you know tomorrow how it went.

Side note: If you read my blog please become a follower if you can or please feel free to comment when I post it on facebook. Its great motivation and keeps me accountable when I know people are checkin' in on my insanity.

Have a great day! WHEN IN DOUBT, SQUAT IT OUT!

SIng it George....

Faith

   [feyth] Show IPA

noun

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.

2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith

OR George Michael's song. Here is a verse from FAITH (yet another of his "no really, I am straight" 80's songs. and an amazingly awesome Pandora station):

 Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

So for those of you who don't know me well. I don't practice a religion and my family didn't growing up, unless dysfunction is a religion (sorry Mom, love you:)). I don't study a "Faith" so according to dictionary(dot)com I could never have #3 or #5. And lets not start about the whole Religious thing now because frankly, its Monday, and I haven't had enough coffee. Hence my smug undertone. 

Now I didn't have the greatest weekend, and also it may be because I decided to get on the scale this morning and instead of it giving me a high five it laughed, but today, today I feel like I am loosing my Faith in my weight loss journey. I know I just have to beleive that if I keep moving forward and doing what I am suppose to do, the weight will come off. My body will become strong and toned. I will no longer depend on Ben or Jerry to help me feel better. I have got to have faith in myself, and today I don't.  This River has become and ocean but I'll wait for something more.... but today I just want a cheeseburger and a pint of Chocolate Therapy.

P.S. can someone tell me how to post a picture with your blog??

Right now I'm with George Michael

Faith

   [feyth] Show IPA

noun

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.

2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith

OR George Michael's song. Here is a verse from FAITH (yet another of his "no really, I am straight" 80's songs. and an amazingly awesome Pandora station):

 Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

So for those of you who don't know me well. I don't practice a religion and my family didn't growing up, unless dysfunction is a religion (sorry Mom, love you:)). I don't study a "Faith" so according to dictionary(dot)com I could never have #3 or #5. And lets not start about the whole Religious thing now because frankly, its Monday, and I haven't had enough coffee. Hence my smug undertone. 

Now I didn't have the greatest weekend, and also it may be because I decided to get on the scale this morning and instead of it giving me a high five it laughed, but today, today I feel like I am loosing my Faith in my weight loss journey. I know I just have to beleive that if I keep moving forward and doing what I am suppose to do, the weight will come off. My body will become strong and toned. I will no longer depend on Ben or Jerry to help me feel better. I have got to have faith in myself, and today I don't.  This River has become and ocean but I'll wait for something more.... but today I just want a cheeseburger and a pint of Chocolate Therapy.

P.S. can someone tell me how to post a picture with your blog??

 

Its a Starting Point.

So I did the deed. Stripped, and got all uncomfortable while standing there awkwardly letting my fat get pinched. But I was prepared for the results and actually had a number in my head- I was right. 32%. I am 32% whobbly bits of ice cream, carb, and sugar goodness. When the wighed me I turned away. I have an idea where I'm at but with my history its all about what the scale says. I know from proper education and the awesome support of some MAJORLY cool people in my life I need to shoot for a % NOT a number on the scale. But for some reason numbers will forever haunt me. Whatever....

I don't normally post on the weekends but I said I would let you know and I did. I haven't really figured out what I want to drop %age wise in the next two weeks. I am hoping my trainer and another supporter of Team Cankles will help me set a realistic goal. I set the "scale" goal for 2 pounds a week. But bottom line, if I feel better and can rock the pintrest skinny jean outfit, eh I'm at peace with my thighs. Let's face it, those cute pintrest outfits are worn by 16 year old skinny chicks that haven't seen the adventures of ice cream binges that actually go straight to your ass or the awesome extra "where did that fat come from, oh ya that's right, getting knocked up" weight.

Have a fabulous weekend Y'all. Today is my sons 4th Birthday and I have to go make vanilla cupcakes with cookie dough frosting. (Those who don't know, I am a baking QUEEN)

Judgment Day....

Let me begin with this quote from an email I wrote to my Ya Ya. She asked that I put it in my next blog

"Its not like I'm gunna stock the chick and want to wear her skin (and even if I did she has 2% body fat and I couldn't even wear her as a skirt...)"

Let's let that sink in...

So Good Morning! 

The beginning of July I got on the scale and almost cried. I then went straight to the pantry and ate. Because that's how I do it.

Great day- ice cream

Crappy day- ice cream

Stressed- chips and ice cream

Saturday- ice cream

You get the idea. Anyway I decided to reverse the hold on my gym membership and get back in there. You know how sometimes you look in the mirror and think "oh, its not that bad, the scale says one thing but I can still get in my jeans." Honey, spandex doesn't lie. So I let my fat flag fly and have been changing some of my eating habits and decided to bite the bullet. I WILL WEAR THAT OUTFIT THIS FALL I PINNED ON PINTREST WITH THE GIRL IN SKINNY JEANS DAMN IT! I signed on for ten weeks with a trainer. Week one has been awesome. My mood really responds to the gym. And I just want to say sorry now to all the people I look like I want to kill at the gym, its not you its me. I should also (kinda') apologize to those who find my I <3 my Cankles shirt offensive, because that's you, not me, and it should make you smile. Unless you don't know what cankles are, in which case you should google it because you may suffer from them and then you can join my club. (I am not only a member, I'm also the President) But today is the day of reckoning. I am getting my body fat measured today. I have not weight myself since that horrible day a few weeks ago when the scale said mean, mean things to me and made me eat that ice cream. (yes, my scale talks, doesn't yours?) I have no idea what I should expect and don't know if I even want to know what my % is because I am afraid it will make me feel horrible and drive me to eat and bla bla bla.... 

So stay tuned. Appointment is this evening. I will let you know how it goes.... Happy lets-find-out-how-much-fat-I-have-on-my-ass Friday!

Spanx Hell....

In my fitness world there is a lot going on right now, but I will save that crazy for tomorrow. Lets have story time....

Yesterday I decided to cram a workout in between the small amount of time I had before I had to pick up my kids and get to a friends birthday party. I did an one hour and 15 minute workout in 50 minutes.(cut out some of the warm up and the abs section of my workout and made it work.) As I rushed into the gyms bathroom, grabbed my crap, and headed for the showers I was in crazy rush mode! Let's not even talk about trying to cram your sweaty ass with all your gear into a small space, trying your hardest not to let it hit the floor or get wet, and strip, shower, and then change into your next outfit in a space the size of a fridge. (Yes, I am that girl that will not get naked in public, because, lets get real, you act like your not checking out someones legs for cellulite because they are all skinny while they are changing in the locker room but you are... and you know it).

Here is where panic sets in. My muscles are jello-y goodness from my speedy, kick ass workout, when what happens next is a joke played on me, well played Karma, well played...

Have you ever tried to put on spanx while still semi wet, crammed in a shower, in a huge rush, and your arms are not strong enough to PULLLLLLL them over your sausage legs from the workout you just did???

Let me know when your done laughing from the visual.....

Ok, ya done? Super. Ya its a great time. I made it work, got the kids picked up on time and made it to the awesome party. Where I had birthday cake. I KNOW, I'm a horrible person. But after the bonus spanx workout I think I deserved it.