Pop Tart it up!

So this happened...

Yes, that is Chocolate Halloween Pop Tarts, and because there isn't enough sugar in that I had to wash it down with something that had a comparable level of chemicals and sugar- COKE! Ta da.

Just keeping it real people. I got up at 5am today and worked out. Had every intention of being awesome and non-fatty like. And wham. Just like a fat girl I got down on this. I did share some of my pop tart if that's worth anything.

Happy Tuesday. I already have the headache from the sugar. Can't wait for the crash....

Holla at a Playa!

This was this mornings text... not the creepy guy part, the workout part... the 9/20 text...

I guess I need to catch you guys up.

After my blog melt down the other day I sort of stepped back. I want to give EVERYONE a HUGE thanks for your comments and messages about that days blog. It made me feel more human and let me know we are all struggling in our own ways. 
Now back to the above.

I received a text the other day from my Ya Ya that stated, in the most saddening and, hmmm whats the word, possibly un enthusiastic text (at least that is how I read it ) that she would soon be starting INSANITY (please say this word quickly and like a car salesman. Cus that's how I say it,  possibly throw in some jazz hands for no other reason but because for some reason it seems fitting.) Long story why she is doing it, but I will say this. My Ya Ya is hard-core-kick-ass-squat till your butt hits the floor-no-joke work out-er chick. She and I don't play games when it comes to our workouts. Yet another reason why she is my Ya Ya. I immediately told her to send me a copy and we can be pathetic together. Maybe I should also mention that we agree on being too cool for some things. See list below:

1. Twilight
2. Owls
3. 50 Shades of Lame
4. Things like INSANITY. (yes, it has to be in all capitals)

So doing this video thing seems pretty lame. And speaking of lame. I let her know that instead of sending me a copy I can instead be uber lame and do my husbands P90X video's! OMG let's be pathetic together! Even though I think INSANITY is way cooler then P90X, cus all we get is the x hands cross thing and it is apparently for the people who are not cool enough to do INSANITY. So now I have been doing that for a couple days. Getting up at 5am, UGH! And the above is a text admitting how super lame I am. I was surprised to feel sore. For heavens sake, this morning I did things called Superman Banana and wacky jacks!? How can you take this seriously? But like Ya Ya said.... humbling


Happy Thursday! Holla at a Playa!

Bingo!

Sometimes you just need to laugh.... and give up. This morning I woke up and did my stupid 30 minute workout video. Because OMG its so freaking awesome. I roll over and birds chirp and my thighs aline with the moons axis and jump out of bed ready to lunge and squat with joy and adulation.

Oh geez for f- sake. Who am I kidding. I'm about to eat a burrito for lunch and wish they delivered. But really. I did get up at 5:15 and lunge and squat. Did you know when you have busted ass thighs with lots of jiggly bits and try to do jumping jacks they make a slapping sound? No, well in case I just ruined your life, sorry for the over share, but I just keep it real.

Got to work and found a blog that made me laugh really really laugh. I needed that. Thanks blog lady who will never know I am thanking her cus I don't know really how to link a blog and thank you properly.

This weekend my husband and FBI agent (aka my 6 yo son, if you ever run into him, don't let him interrogate you or have anything in your possession he may want) are going to Chico. NO he is too young to party. They are going to Psycholand?! At least that is what FBI calls it. Our neighbor is racing (he is 6 too) and FBI gets to try and ride a 50 for the first time. So here is my worry. My husband is the "suck it up, I'll kick you in the head, Shrek type". My 6 yo is calculative, over thinks, OCD, possibly might geek out type. I don't know how this is going to play out. Sad I won't get to see his first ride ever. But glad I won't have to deal with my husbands frustration after FBI freaks out, falls over and possibly may not get back on the bike problem.


Anyway, I hope to go to BINGO this weekend. Ya, that's what I said.....

flip the switch.

I just want to turn it all off. Check out for a while. I don't know if this is the appropriate place to write this. Maybe someone feels the same way and it can help knowing I feel the same. Maybe it will remind people how bat shit crazy I am.

I am fucking done. My mind goes a million miles an hour. Constantly worrying about what I do and will it piss someone off, will today be the day I fuck up everything at work. What did I eat, why did I eat that, how many calories are in that? Am I a horrible person  for not picking my son up from school like all the other moms. Am I a good enough wife. How can I let people know I care about them that are so far away. Why didn't I work out today, or if I did maybe I should work out again, or harder. What about money, do we have enough. The holidays are coming up. OH look something shiny. The list goes on forever and its always going. I want to turn it off. BUT HOW???

Can't take up drinking. God only knows what that will do for my hips. Not to mention I'm the one taking care of the kids, ya, no bueno.

So how does this work? How do people find balance? How do you be happy? Please send suggestions, and chocolate....

Note Disclaimer....

*disclaimer- see note on bottom of page first

So today I told myself I needed to blog. So much in my mind and not having blogged in a while I knew it needed to be done, but at the same time not knowing what to really blog about. So here is a, possibly depressing blog post today, with some serious ADD through in for good measure.

ADD

I have been doing pretty good that last couple days eating and have been getting up in the early am to do workouts. Not my favorite by any means, but 30 minutes of sweat is better then not sweating at all right?

ADD

Remember that blog a bit ago with allllll the trophies? Well, I finally just through them away. And I mean, I literally just came back from the garbage and walked back to my computer and started writing this. It makes me sad to throw all those memories away.  Dancing was who I WAS. It was how I identified myself and my saving grace. Especially during high school. High school was hell for me. Like, literal hell. You know how everyone says "if I could only go back to high school". I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Sure I had some awesome friends and amazing times. I am am thankful for that. Because with out those people I may not be here right now. But dance was the one thing that I was passionate about. That I loved, that shushed all the negative crap around me and made me feel awesome. I long for that feeling again.

ADD

So this week I have tried something new. 

I have always assumed people don't like me. (revert back to high school and one might say I am jaded from that time) So assuming people don't like me, and are judging me constantly about my actions, and especially my weight. I try to stay away from people. Like, unless I see you daily I assume you think I am a bitch and/or "damn she's put on some weight" and with that assumption, the first or the second, I walk away from people.  I avoid them, sometimes I am sorry to say I am even rude about it. I m always defensive, anxious and did I mention defensive? 

So this week I have tried to assume that everyone loves me, thinks I'm the greatest thing since a Starbucks drive thru and that  they don't care how wide my ass has gotten. And I want to say that it has worked most of the time. It made me engage with people more then I would have. And that's a good start right?!

ADD

I am so excited for fall I can't stand it! Bought me some new boots and skinny jeans and can't wait to rock them. I have been pinning all kinds of fall crafts on pintrest (drink) and am excited to start breaking out the sewing machine, glitter, baking supplies and knitting needles. Anyone else excited for fall!????

Have a great weekend everyone! Go do something crafty and fun!

*** DISCLAIMER- I am sorry for the modge podge of thoughts in this post. also as an added bonus I did not proof read it:) You may need to drink first in order for any of it to make sense. cheers!