Pop Tart it up!

So this happened...

Yes, that is Chocolate Halloween Pop Tarts, and because there isn't enough sugar in that I had to wash it down with something that had a comparable level of chemicals and sugar- COKE! Ta da.

Just keeping it real people. I got up at 5am today and worked out. Had every intention of being awesome and non-fatty like. And wham. Just like a fat girl I got down on this. I did share some of my pop tart if that's worth anything.

Happy Tuesday. I already have the headache from the sugar. Can't wait for the crash....

Holla at a Playa!

This was this mornings text... not the creepy guy part, the workout part... the 9/20 text...

I guess I need to catch you guys up.

After my blog melt down the other day I sort of stepped back. I want to give EVERYONE a HUGE thanks for your comments and messages about that days blog. It made me feel more human and let me know we are all struggling in our own ways. 
Now back to the above.

I received a text the other day from my Ya Ya that stated, in the most saddening and, hmmm whats the word, possibly un enthusiastic text (at least that is how I read it ) that she would soon be starting INSANITY (please say this word quickly and like a car salesman. Cus that's how I say it,  possibly throw in some jazz hands for no other reason but because for some reason it seems fitting.) Long story why she is doing it, but I will say this. My Ya Ya is hard-core-kick-ass-squat till your butt hits the floor-no-joke work out-er chick. She and I don't play games when it comes to our workouts. Yet another reason why she is my Ya Ya. I immediately told her to send me a copy and we can be pathetic together. Maybe I should also mention that we agree on being too cool for some things. See list below:

1. Twilight
2. Owls
3. 50 Shades of Lame
4. Things like INSANITY. (yes, it has to be in all capitals)

So doing this video thing seems pretty lame. And speaking of lame. I let her know that instead of sending me a copy I can instead be uber lame and do my husbands P90X video's! OMG let's be pathetic together! Even though I think INSANITY is way cooler then P90X, cus all we get is the x hands cross thing and it is apparently for the people who are not cool enough to do INSANITY. So now I have been doing that for a couple days. Getting up at 5am, UGH! And the above is a text admitting how super lame I am. I was surprised to feel sore. For heavens sake, this morning I did things called Superman Banana and wacky jacks!? How can you take this seriously? But like Ya Ya said.... humbling


Happy Thursday! Holla at a Playa!

Bingo!

Sometimes you just need to laugh.... and give up. This morning I woke up and did my stupid 30 minute workout video. Because OMG its so freaking awesome. I roll over and birds chirp and my thighs aline with the moons axis and jump out of bed ready to lunge and squat with joy and adulation.

Oh geez for f- sake. Who am I kidding. I'm about to eat a burrito for lunch and wish they delivered. But really. I did get up at 5:15 and lunge and squat. Did you know when you have busted ass thighs with lots of jiggly bits and try to do jumping jacks they make a slapping sound? No, well in case I just ruined your life, sorry for the over share, but I just keep it real.

Got to work and found a blog that made me laugh really really laugh. I needed that. Thanks blog lady who will never know I am thanking her cus I don't know really how to link a blog and thank you properly.

This weekend my husband and FBI agent (aka my 6 yo son, if you ever run into him, don't let him interrogate you or have anything in your possession he may want) are going to Chico. NO he is too young to party. They are going to Psycholand?! At least that is what FBI calls it. Our neighbor is racing (he is 6 too) and FBI gets to try and ride a 50 for the first time. So here is my worry. My husband is the "suck it up, I'll kick you in the head, Shrek type". My 6 yo is calculative, over thinks, OCD, possibly might geek out type. I don't know how this is going to play out. Sad I won't get to see his first ride ever. But glad I won't have to deal with my husbands frustration after FBI freaks out, falls over and possibly may not get back on the bike problem.


Anyway, I hope to go to BINGO this weekend. Ya, that's what I said.....

flip the switch.

I just want to turn it all off. Check out for a while. I don't know if this is the appropriate place to write this. Maybe someone feels the same way and it can help knowing I feel the same. Maybe it will remind people how bat shit crazy I am.

I am fucking done. My mind goes a million miles an hour. Constantly worrying about what I do and will it piss someone off, will today be the day I fuck up everything at work. What did I eat, why did I eat that, how many calories are in that? Am I a horrible person  for not picking my son up from school like all the other moms. Am I a good enough wife. How can I let people know I care about them that are so far away. Why didn't I work out today, or if I did maybe I should work out again, or harder. What about money, do we have enough. The holidays are coming up. OH look something shiny. The list goes on forever and its always going. I want to turn it off. BUT HOW???

Can't take up drinking. God only knows what that will do for my hips. Not to mention I'm the one taking care of the kids, ya, no bueno.

So how does this work? How do people find balance? How do you be happy? Please send suggestions, and chocolate....

Note Disclaimer....

*disclaimer- see note on bottom of page first

So today I told myself I needed to blog. So much in my mind and not having blogged in a while I knew it needed to be done, but at the same time not knowing what to really blog about. So here is a, possibly depressing blog post today, with some serious ADD through in for good measure.

ADD

I have been doing pretty good that last couple days eating and have been getting up in the early am to do workouts. Not my favorite by any means, but 30 minutes of sweat is better then not sweating at all right?

ADD

Remember that blog a bit ago with allllll the trophies? Well, I finally just through them away. And I mean, I literally just came back from the garbage and walked back to my computer and started writing this. It makes me sad to throw all those memories away.  Dancing was who I WAS. It was how I identified myself and my saving grace. Especially during high school. High school was hell for me. Like, literal hell. You know how everyone says "if I could only go back to high school". I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Sure I had some awesome friends and amazing times. I am am thankful for that. Because with out those people I may not be here right now. But dance was the one thing that I was passionate about. That I loved, that shushed all the negative crap around me and made me feel awesome. I long for that feeling again.

ADD

So this week I have tried something new. 

I have always assumed people don't like me. (revert back to high school and one might say I am jaded from that time) So assuming people don't like me, and are judging me constantly about my actions, and especially my weight. I try to stay away from people. Like, unless I see you daily I assume you think I am a bitch and/or "damn she's put on some weight" and with that assumption, the first or the second, I walk away from people.  I avoid them, sometimes I am sorry to say I am even rude about it. I m always defensive, anxious and did I mention defensive? 

So this week I have tried to assume that everyone loves me, thinks I'm the greatest thing since a Starbucks drive thru and that  they don't care how wide my ass has gotten. And I want to say that it has worked most of the time. It made me engage with people more then I would have. And that's a good start right?!

ADD

I am so excited for fall I can't stand it! Bought me some new boots and skinny jeans and can't wait to rock them. I have been pinning all kinds of fall crafts on pintrest (drink) and am excited to start breaking out the sewing machine, glitter, baking supplies and knitting needles. Anyone else excited for fall!????

Have a great weekend everyone! Go do something crafty and fun!

*** DISCLAIMER- I am sorry for the modge podge of thoughts in this post. also as an added bonus I did not proof read it:) You may need to drink first in order for any of it to make sense. cheers!

We need to talk....

I don't know if you have seen the post on pintrest (drink) about wearing mom jeans? The picture is a side by side of a girl wearing two different styles of jeans. One looks great (Ya if I was a size five with a little butt I would look amazing too) and the other looks good but not as amazing. Unlike some people who pin lots of crap on pintrest (drink) I actually read, craft, go back and use a lot of the crap I pin. Anyway, the pins link takes you to a blog about wearing jeans and rockin' styles that work and are NOT mom jeans. She even specifies what specific things to look for to make sure they are not mom jeans.

here is the link for what I am talking about.... Here is the thing. I get a lot of jeans from Old Navy and Levi. I started to think about my jeans and I have a feeling...

DUN
DUN
DUUUUNNNNNNN.

I MAY own a pair of mom jeans, I may also be in denial. And to get even more real up in here. I am wearing them today.... The pocket placement is at my butt, not on the curve, AND to get even more out of control the waist sits at my belly button! OMG- what have I done! Its not like they are acid wash or anything! Don't get that crazy. (However, I am also wearing neon yellow sweatbands at this moment. A gift from a co-worker. They match my yellow cardigan I am wearing today. HALAAA! Thanks Jaime!) But they suck in my gut so nicely. I don't have to worry about my baby moosh spilling over the top of my jeans while I sit at my desk. And speaking of sitting at a desk. How could anyone really know I am even wearing mom jeans, besides the fact I just told you. Oh crap. So what do I do? I work in a warehouse, and during shipping season I help out in the warehouse and there is no need to even care what you look like cus your lugging boxes all day. Do I get rid of them?? What do I do? Damn you pintrest (drink) for informing me of my flaws. I curse you but at the same time I guess it was sort of like an intervention and now I know. Pandora's box has been opened. The only way to solve this problem is to go shopping. Really I mean how else can this be resolved?! Then I guess I should say Thank you, thank you pintrest (drink, damn hope your not a light weight!) for opening my eyes and giving me a true excuse reason to go shopping.

Happy Wednesday all. Hope I have left you educated and let me know if you too need to join me in my jean shopping mission!

Figured out how to add pictures!

So today this happened....

As I may have mentioned I used to dance and stuff. My dad has been cleaning out a storage locker recently and found some of my trophies. Some have already made there way to the trophy graveyard, AKA the garbage. I have had them sitting in my office in the box for a while now and today my co workers decided to have an intervention of epic proportions and bring them all out and make me pose with them. Please also note the banner they put on my wall from one of my dance conferences I went to. SUPER AWESOME! It made me miss it all. Next month I am hopefully starting a new dance class I have always wanted to try, if my kids sports schedules don't get too crazy. Stand by for that announcement.

In other news, my eating has been OK. With back to school and new soccer season starting and soon my other son is starting something as well I will have to re vamp my schedule some how to get in at lease 4 days a week. I did get up at 5 am yesterday and did a video. I am thinking of having a Monday morning weigh-in, complete with posting my current weight. But people in this town are caddy, no, not you though, your great.... but I am afraid to put myself "out there" like that....

I will however put this picture out in the universe....

You are welcome.

Bad, Bad Dream

I don't know about you, and I have been told that I'm crazy, ya ya stop laughing, I know I'm bat shit, anyway. I have REALLY vivid crazy dreams, do we need to recall the "I got hit by a bus" blog??? 

Last night I drempt I was having to twirl in a parade. (Andi I blame you and your pinning batons for this) When I pulled up my costume I have all this excess, loose, wrinkly, oddly very tan skin hanging from my legs from hip to knee. I was HORRIFIED that I had to march looking like this. And then I woke up.

Maybe this is a warning. A warning that if I don't tone up and loose some lbs that is my future. Also, use some sun screen for heavens sake! Geez! Tan legs are great, looking at them all wrinkly and jiggly, not so much.

On to another topic. I saw in my favorite blog today that she is doing a give away for these headbands. Apparently the don't slip. This chic lives in TX and is an avid runner and soft ball player. If she says they work. They have to work. bic bands. They look super cute. I am going to order one and see if they are worth it. I will keep you posted!!!

Start of week 4- an update

 

Holly hell its been hot lately. And you know what happens when its hot and you have fat legs? Chub rub.... ugh. Wha? TMI?? Seriously though that stuff hurts and reminds me to lay off the ice cream.

And in other news.... I have been drinking water like crazy! The people at my work may hate me because I use the bathroom so much. I am thinking of getting a pedometer to see how many steps I take a day just to the bathroom. Does the urge ever stop? Geez.

So a couple weeks ago I mentioned that I hired a trainer and my goal was to loose 20 pounds in ten weeks.  So far I am only down 3. Waa Waa Waaaaaaa. Lay off the sugar fatty..... Damn. I am putting in the workouts. Now its time to suck it up and DO WORK! I got this. I have started using my calorie counting app again and have been bringing stuff to work to eat. I will keep you posted for next weeks weigh in. I can tell that I am starting to tone up. That is awesome. I LOVE feeling strong, I just have to remember that feeling when I want sugar at night.

Is everyone ready for school to start??

When in doubt, bike it out...

Afternoon all! Today is suppose to be a HOT one!

Yesterday I hit up the gym for a little cardio. I decided to try something different. I started at a low setting on the ellitical (mine was 7) and every time the song changed I upped the resistance by one. And as an added bonus when a really good hook would come on a song I had to sprint. It was AMAZING yet horrible all at the same time. The was sweat and jiggling and rocking out. To onlookers I was a "people watching" dream I'm sure. At level 11 I wanted to cry. Didn't make much past that and hopped on the bike. Haven't done the bike in forever do to a knee issue but what the heck... right?! Knees are over rated. So then I did random resistance till I had to leave and get home. couple notes on riding the bike:

1. Use two towels, one on either elbow rest for maximum comfort and to ward off elbow slippage and sweat.

2. Pick a rocking station on Pandora and don't be affraid to rock out while riding  I like Pitbull (i'm so hard core right!?, WHAM!,  Tone Loc, Salt N Peppa

3. Be mindful of where your shirt and pants meet. No one wants to see you whale tale or muffin top! which brings me to number 4.

4. From experience- make the proper underwear selection prior to your workout if you're going to hit the bike that day. See number 3 and/or know there will be friction. We will just leave it at that.

5. Don't be a sissy la la and not challenge yourself. I hate seeing people riding the bike and look all "look at me, I'm riding the bike super fast and I'm so cool. I've been on this thing for 30 minutes now and I still have no sign of back sweat." Um , you are an IDIOT and a waste of gym space. Turn up the resistance, crank the tunes, and stop bouncing like a freak on the seat because you don't have enough resistance. Sweat should be oozing out of you. Yes, oozing, that is what workouts on a bike do, they cause you to ooze.

6. If you have some junk in the truck sitting on the bike seat will suck. I can only imagine what it looks like from the back but I'm sure its wide and it ain't pretty. You will probably have to adjust your position several times. I always seem to feel like I am going to fall off the seat forward. Maybe that's just me?

7. Use the foot straps. You don't have to be all fancy and get the clip shoes (unless your SO hard core), but do take the time to adjust the straps, it makes for a better workout and your foot won't slip off causing you to bang your cankle on the bike. (why is it asking my to spell check cankle, its a word!!)

8. See number 3

9. Drink water! Like I said there will be lots of oozing and if you listen you have extra towels to catch said ozzing and if you are challenging yourself there will be lots of it so you must HYDTRATE!

10. the next day you will feel violated. yes, that's what I said.

out of the box

Bla Bla Bla, fell off the wagon, there were a few ice cream involved incidences....

But here I am... blogging. Not letting the fat win the fight. I don't know if I told you guys but for the last couple weeks I have had a brand new scale sitting on my bedroom floor just waiting to pop out of the box, like one of those creepy jack-in-the boxes. And if I said I opened it before. I lied. Today I did. Not what I wanted to see, but these thighs weren't built in a day. I have gotten in some crazy workouts lately. Some I loved, others I wanted to cry and kick someone in the throat. But I didn't give up. So that counts for something....

My sons Birthday party was great. The weather was totally bi polar that day. The kids did get to swim for a bit. The bounce house was just the thing to save the day and the kids loved it!

So ya, I'm here... just drinking some water and thinking about what I won't be eating for dinner.... waaa waa waaaaaaa.

Over Share and 50 Shades Update

Lately I have been on a quest. One that I am still on. The perfect workout "shorts", not to be confused with bike shorts. I don't know about your legs, but I have what some like to call "soccer" legs. You know the ones. Mine are from years of dance. Thick, muscular (getting there slowly, but currently have a nice extra helping of "padding") and will never be mistaken for toothpicks. Ya those. I will easily admit that I am very particular about my workout wear. And it will depend on that days confidence level what I will wind up wearing. Currently I like knee length cotton shorts or capri length black spandex workout pants. The thicker the better, as to not see the dimples in my ass as I to kettle bells swings ect. and also to reduce the amount of jiggle. Tops- I LOVE to wear my ruffles with love (look her up on etsy) tank top that says sweat is fat crying.  Or I wear anything that will stay down, not show off the baby jiggle, is hopefully sleeveless, and is the right amount of loose meets tight. I told you I was picky...

Lately my legs have been telling me they need to be free. With the hot weather I want to wear shorts. I see all the strong confident women wearing running shorts. I want to too!! pick me, pick me! But here is where my problem lies. Did I mention I have thick legs? Ok, you got it. Now here is where I over share- My inner thighs have a tendency to eat my shorts and they bunch up in my crotch leaving me to embarrassingly tug them down every five seconds during my workout. There must be something out there for girls like me! Right?! I can't possibly be the only girl with this problem. So I will continue my search, unless one of my readers have already solved this problem?? Please do tell!

50 Shades update:

I stopped reading at page 63. She just got picked up at the bar. Here are my findings so far: SHE IS A FREAKING WHINER!! If I want to read a chick whining, I would read my own blog, geez. So needless to say, I have stopped reading it and lent it to a friend who "OMG I love it" bla bla bla. I have picked up a book I have been wanting to read for a while and "OMG, I love it." Bossypants by Tina Fey. She is just my kind of offensive and snide humor. I know we would totally be BFF's in real life. Tina, if your reading this call me!

Happy Thursday! Hope it doesn't suck.

And Then....

So as an update: yesterdays workout was insane-tastic! It was hard and mentally challenging and made me feel amazing.

and then...

no and then...

and then....

NO and then....

The bad "self talk" (what a lame term for talking crap about yourself) starts, the mirror says you are lumpy, and your kids pat your stomach during story time and say "wow its so mushy, are you pregnant?", and the scale says its not gunna budge. BIG DEEP BREATH. I come from many years of  treating myself like crap so its gunna take some time to tell that part of me to shut the f$#^% up! and move on! I just wish it happened sooner then later, the same way I wish my ass would shrink like shrinky dinks in the oven, I love those things, what ever happened to those? 

My boys where up all night coughing so I kept them home today. Maybe the lack of sleep helps my evil twin yell more loudly. I am sure more coffee will silence her along with keeping myself busy.

Have a happy Wednesday to all my readers. Wishing you a fabulous day. And when you doubt yourself or tell yourself worthless thoughts, take a deep breath and tomorrow is another day! Also if you see me out and about today and I look like I am hyperventilating, you know why!

Stepin' out with my baby

YAY! It's Tuesday!!! Not feeling it? Ya, me either. But today is better then yesterday. I did manage to drag my sorry butt to the gym yesterday. My head wasn't in it, and I knew if I did a workout on my own it would be sucky, so I checked the schedule and took the one class they were offering at that time. Step.

Yep, I took a old fashioned, lets blow out your knees, holly crap how do they have so many risers on their step?, step class. Haven't taken one in years. It was actually a good challenge for my brain and a nice break from the usual.

Today I am going to try another new class they just started offering at my gym. Boot camp. Now I love me some boot camp style classes and have taken several before from other places so I am anxious to see how this one stacks up against the rest. The teacher is my trainer so I know I will get my ass handed to me. As a bonus it should be nice and hot so throwing up may be an option.  I have already started to chug water like a college kid at a frat party so I hope it all works out well. I will let you know tomorrow how it went.

Side note: If you read my blog please become a follower if you can or please feel free to comment when I post it on facebook. Its great motivation and keeps me accountable when I know people are checkin' in on my insanity.

Have a great day! WHEN IN DOUBT, SQUAT IT OUT!

SIng it George....

Faith

   [feyth] Show IPA

noun

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.

2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith

OR George Michael's song. Here is a verse from FAITH (yet another of his "no really, I am straight" 80's songs. and an amazingly awesome Pandora station):

 Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

So for those of you who don't know me well. I don't practice a religion and my family didn't growing up, unless dysfunction is a religion (sorry Mom, love you:)). I don't study a "Faith" so according to dictionary(dot)com I could never have #3 or #5. And lets not start about the whole Religious thing now because frankly, its Monday, and I haven't had enough coffee. Hence my smug undertone. 

Now I didn't have the greatest weekend, and also it may be because I decided to get on the scale this morning and instead of it giving me a high five it laughed, but today, today I feel like I am loosing my Faith in my weight loss journey. I know I just have to beleive that if I keep moving forward and doing what I am suppose to do, the weight will come off. My body will become strong and toned. I will no longer depend on Ben or Jerry to help me feel better. I have got to have faith in myself, and today I don't.  This River has become and ocean but I'll wait for something more.... but today I just want a cheeseburger and a pint of Chocolate Therapy.

P.S. can someone tell me how to post a picture with your blog??

Right now I'm with George Michael

Faith

   [feyth] Show IPA

noun

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.

2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith

OR George Michael's song. Here is a verse from FAITH (yet another of his "no really, I am straight" 80's songs. and an amazingly awesome Pandora station):

 Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

So for those of you who don't know me well. I don't practice a religion and my family didn't growing up, unless dysfunction is a religion (sorry Mom, love you:)). I don't study a "Faith" so according to dictionary(dot)com I could never have #3 or #5. And lets not start about the whole Religious thing now because frankly, its Monday, and I haven't had enough coffee. Hence my smug undertone. 

Now I didn't have the greatest weekend, and also it may be because I decided to get on the scale this morning and instead of it giving me a high five it laughed, but today, today I feel like I am loosing my Faith in my weight loss journey. I know I just have to beleive that if I keep moving forward and doing what I am suppose to do, the weight will come off. My body will become strong and toned. I will no longer depend on Ben or Jerry to help me feel better. I have got to have faith in myself, and today I don't.  This River has become and ocean but I'll wait for something more.... but today I just want a cheeseburger and a pint of Chocolate Therapy.

P.S. can someone tell me how to post a picture with your blog??

 

Its a Starting Point.

So I did the deed. Stripped, and got all uncomfortable while standing there awkwardly letting my fat get pinched. But I was prepared for the results and actually had a number in my head- I was right. 32%. I am 32% whobbly bits of ice cream, carb, and sugar goodness. When the wighed me I turned away. I have an idea where I'm at but with my history its all about what the scale says. I know from proper education and the awesome support of some MAJORLY cool people in my life I need to shoot for a % NOT a number on the scale. But for some reason numbers will forever haunt me. Whatever....

I don't normally post on the weekends but I said I would let you know and I did. I haven't really figured out what I want to drop %age wise in the next two weeks. I am hoping my trainer and another supporter of Team Cankles will help me set a realistic goal. I set the "scale" goal for 2 pounds a week. But bottom line, if I feel better and can rock the pintrest skinny jean outfit, eh I'm at peace with my thighs. Let's face it, those cute pintrest outfits are worn by 16 year old skinny chicks that haven't seen the adventures of ice cream binges that actually go straight to your ass or the awesome extra "where did that fat come from, oh ya that's right, getting knocked up" weight.

Have a fabulous weekend Y'all. Today is my sons 4th Birthday and I have to go make vanilla cupcakes with cookie dough frosting. (Those who don't know, I am a baking QUEEN)

Judgment Day....

Let me begin with this quote from an email I wrote to my Ya Ya. She asked that I put it in my next blog

"Its not like I'm gunna stock the chick and want to wear her skin (and even if I did she has 2% body fat and I couldn't even wear her as a skirt...)"

Let's let that sink in...

So Good Morning! 

The beginning of July I got on the scale and almost cried. I then went straight to the pantry and ate. Because that's how I do it.

Great day- ice cream

Crappy day- ice cream

Stressed- chips and ice cream

Saturday- ice cream

You get the idea. Anyway I decided to reverse the hold on my gym membership and get back in there. You know how sometimes you look in the mirror and think "oh, its not that bad, the scale says one thing but I can still get in my jeans." Honey, spandex doesn't lie. So I let my fat flag fly and have been changing some of my eating habits and decided to bite the bullet. I WILL WEAR THAT OUTFIT THIS FALL I PINNED ON PINTREST WITH THE GIRL IN SKINNY JEANS DAMN IT! I signed on for ten weeks with a trainer. Week one has been awesome. My mood really responds to the gym. And I just want to say sorry now to all the people I look like I want to kill at the gym, its not you its me. I should also (kinda') apologize to those who find my I <3 my Cankles shirt offensive, because that's you, not me, and it should make you smile. Unless you don't know what cankles are, in which case you should google it because you may suffer from them and then you can join my club. (I am not only a member, I'm also the President) But today is the day of reckoning. I am getting my body fat measured today. I have not weight myself since that horrible day a few weeks ago when the scale said mean, mean things to me and made me eat that ice cream. (yes, my scale talks, doesn't yours?) I have no idea what I should expect and don't know if I even want to know what my % is because I am afraid it will make me feel horrible and drive me to eat and bla bla bla.... 

So stay tuned. Appointment is this evening. I will let you know how it goes.... Happy lets-find-out-how-much-fat-I-have-on-my-ass Friday!

Spanx Hell....

In my fitness world there is a lot going on right now, but I will save that crazy for tomorrow. Lets have story time....

Yesterday I decided to cram a workout in between the small amount of time I had before I had to pick up my kids and get to a friends birthday party. I did an one hour and 15 minute workout in 50 minutes.(cut out some of the warm up and the abs section of my workout and made it work.) As I rushed into the gyms bathroom, grabbed my crap, and headed for the showers I was in crazy rush mode! Let's not even talk about trying to cram your sweaty ass with all your gear into a small space, trying your hardest not to let it hit the floor or get wet, and strip, shower, and then change into your next outfit in a space the size of a fridge. (Yes, I am that girl that will not get naked in public, because, lets get real, you act like your not checking out someones legs for cellulite because they are all skinny while they are changing in the locker room but you are... and you know it).

Here is where panic sets in. My muscles are jello-y goodness from my speedy, kick ass workout, when what happens next is a joke played on me, well played Karma, well played...

Have you ever tried to put on spanx while still semi wet, crammed in a shower, in a huge rush, and your arms are not strong enough to PULLLLLLL them over your sausage legs from the workout you just did???

Let me know when your done laughing from the visual.....

Ok, ya done? Super. Ya its a great time. I made it work, got the kids picked up on time and made it to the awesome party. Where I had birthday cake. I KNOW, I'm a horrible person. But after the bonus spanx workout I think I deserved it.

I am a sheep...

This was my daily morning text to my Ya Ya today- " First Zumba, now 50 Shades of Grey, I am a sheep."

Apparently I have become a follower in all things "everyone else is doing it..." Usually I NEVER follow the rules, seriously ask my teachers in school. I have always been the " she has trouble with authority" kind of people. But can I really be THAT bad? I knit for heaven sakes, and I like to bake. Helloooooo, ya, I'm a wild one, hold me back. But when it comes to books especially, I go the other direction- Twilight, um NO, I am too hard core for vampires, sorry, and all the other "OMG did you read bla bla bla. NO, no, I did not, because I am not a sheep. But apparently I just became one. SO, here is the deal. I will read and give you updates on how corny and LAME this book is. Well, and least that is how I assume it will be since "all the girls are doin' it."

50 shades so far- First Impressions....

COVER- 50 shades of Grey. Shiny neck tie. NOT impressed. You can't trust a man in a shiny tie. He is the same guy with lots of product in his hair. AKA douche bag.

PAPER- (yes, paper) The paper is super thin. I heard this book was first published by the author because no one would produce it. Apparently you sell a billion copies and I am still flipping tissue thin pages. I'm not amused.

Tonight I am taking kickboxing with an instructor I haven't taken from yet. This better be good lady. So far my morning has been all kinds of crazy with my 3 year old and now I am reading a book that I could also mistaken the pages of as kleenex and may or may not be about a douche bag. BRING IT

Can I get an AMEN!

So much going on lately. Nothing super fabulous, but if Awsome counts I am in it to win it!

First I just want to thank baby Jesus for my addiction to pintrest. My motivation to be more stylish, crafty, have better hair, and throw out random one liners is at an all time high. So for that I thank you.

I also have been feeling pretty motivated lately and yesterday I tried fake Zumba at my gym. What's fake zumba you ask? Fake Zumba is what my gym calls Bialia Beats and its actually Zumba, but they don't want to buy the rights to call it what it is, or whatever. Who cares, I dropped it low and had an awesome time offending old people in class shaken my ass and busting out with the robot when needed. I would also like to say sorry to the young girl who obviously just started teaching. Being the level of awesome that I am, and having boys bringing the milk shake to my yard, and not hers, she may have felt a little less sparkly after class with me. (If you don't understand the reference, you need to study up on awesome, I have a PHD.) When I started with the Ooo-ooo disco style and booty poppin she looked a little scared. But I bet next time I take her class she will rise to the challenge and raise the booty bar. I EXPECT MORE miss cheer leader Barbie, you have the potential, I can tell! 

 Moving on. I have been obsessed with finding cheap ideas for a superhero themed Birthday Party. Got any? Send them my way.

Happy Friday Bitches! JAZZ HANDS!

The stretchy pants are ON

My friend and coworker is walking right now without me... and you say to yourself, "Andrea, you have been trying to loose weight and your a fatty." Well I didn't walk because I am waitingto leave work early and go run. WHOA, it's getting crazy, I know.

What's with water? They want you to drink more, yet it just makes me more thirsty and pee every five minutes. So annoying. I have stopped drinking in hopes I don't have to pee while I run. I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow.

Have an awesome day!

Cheerio Good Chap

So ya, I'm starting another paragraph with the letter S (drink) and guess what else? Nope, I'm drinking Green Tea with blueberry. Mmmmmm. I feel so regal and like I need a crumpet and like my teeth are moving and getting all english. Wait, what is in this tea....?

Got on the scale this morning, What's up fat ass? How you doin? Does my ass make my ass look big, said my ass this morning. YES, yes it does. Oh boy, hence the tea. And the following has been cunsumed today:

Bfast: scrambled egg, coffee, 100 calorie nut pack.
Lunch: Homemade veggie beef soup, yummyness of love
Snack: strawberries and more nuts, a whole 100 calories of them

Now tea. I am off to a good start. Now if I can do this for another couple months I should drop the 30, now 32 pounds after I got on the freaking scale this morning, I have to loose... SO AWESOME! GO ME!

Day 3- Its FRIDAY!

How's everyone doing out there? I'm ok, still in shock I got hit by a bus! A BUS people! Ok, so it was just a dream but its really a weird one! Last night I tried to google what it could mean but I think that just made me more confused.

So, I shaved my legs. Ya, I know, it's getting crazy up in here. I did this in hopes of getting two things done, getting a pedicure and going for a run. Don't know why I like having shaved legs for a run? Less wind resistance? Who knows. I also like to brush my teeth and apply chapstick too before a run. Anyone else have weird workout rituals. NO?! Well then your weird!

Its Friday, so happy. My best friend is coming to visit next week and I am hoping to get my crap together so everything is perfect for her and her family. SO EXCITED!

Day Dos

Bet you didn't know I was bilingual, didja'! This summer I challenged some of my co-workers to get me to learn Spanish this summer. Now here is the "let's learn something new about Andrea moment" (Ya, pretty much every moment with me is, I know) But I have actually taken Spanish 3 times. We are not talking  Spanish I, II, III, We are talkin' I x's 3. Ya, I don't have a very good memory.... The other day they thought it would be awesome to have me tell them all the Spanish words I know. So I did, as a song, yes I am that cool, and weird.

Last night I had a dream I was hit by a bus. UM YA! A. BUS.... WTH???? Like, hey. I'm crossing the street, It hits the person to my right I look up and actually have enough time to brace myself for impact. Then it hits me, goes over me. I can feel my body broken, stand up and then fall back down. 

SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME...

7 day Challenge

So.... I am going to blog for 7 days. See if it helps,,, with what... no clue, but it sounded right.

So I was reading my favorite blog the other day and something stuck with me that she said, I'm going to have to do it "one meal at a time". And so that is how it is for me right now. I have a game plan and then in one meal I throw it our the window.

Sucks too because I just "chucked it WAY out the window" and now I feel sick... UGH! Drinking lots of water and thinking of maybe going for a run tonight.

So my Birthday is coming up. I am doing the girly spa thing in the morning and probably the new MIKE movie after that. Can you get in trouble for throwing dollar bills at a screen? I'm sure the people who are picking up the theater after would appreciate it. It would be like their tip! Then.... wait for it..... wait for it. I am going to Bingo! Yes, B-9, old grumpy people everywhere, troll dolls out for good luck, I think I will get a fancy dobber for a birthday surprise BINGO. Its fun to people watch and hello, look at all the people who showed up for my party! So I'm lookin' forward to that.


I just realized I started all my paragraphs with an S. or the word so. I wonder what that says about me? and my lack of originality, intellect and the fact that I have total ADD and now I'm writting about it.....

SO ya, see you tomorrow!

That just happened....

And by that I mean nothing... that I want to talk about....

Long weekend. Sure it was for everyone out there. Hope all the Mama's out there had a good Mothers Day.

I will say this. Eating clean and then deciding not to for a meal. YAY, ya sounds so exciting and a little bit naughty. Well guess what, you feel like crap! Waa waa waa. I even had the opportunity to eat ice cream, and if you know my relationship with ice cream, its a good one. AND I PUT IT AWAY. Victory, small, but one all in the same.

I am hoping- if things go right, that tonight I will do some weight training. It will be my first weight lifting day since I changed my diet. Tune in tomorrow. If this goes down it will be a good one filled with swearing and comments about ass fat and such.

Enjoy your Tuesday!

DAY 2 People

Day 2.

Thoughts this morning while in the shower (Don't get crazy people)

OK I can do this!

Why am I doing this, do I really want this?

I must fit in those shorts I got!

No seriously, no more ice cream.

What am I going to eat today?

Day two, it may be uncomfortable at first, but it will be ok.  YOU GOT THIS!

I have never been a huge, "I prepped all me meals in little portion sized bags and Tupperware, let's take a picture and show everyone on FB how f-ing amazing I am and how lame they are" kind of people. (sorry if I might offend those of you who have done this) but I got shit to do.... Secretly though,  I envy those people. I want to put myself first and be so organized I can do this weekly. So I have started making just a couple days food prep in advance. I know its one of the key components (yes I know big words, and yes I had to spell check it) to making this thing work.

A friend sent me a picture of amazing looking platters of food the other day (no baggies so the hatred wasn't there). It was tuns of food arranged and laid out like Food Network status.  I thought, hmmmm, 1. I need to learn to BBQ, and 2. I need to do that next week. So as a gift to myself this Mothers Day I am going to prep a WHOLE WEEKS worth of food this Sunday. Then pretend the cleaning fairy will come and clean up after me..... ahh to dream.

What are you doing this Mothers Day? Hope its something fun and amazing!

Stole This Title...

SHITS ABOUT TO GET REAL!

OK, seriously it is.... Long ADD story short. I have a pool, pool= people come to your house and want to mooch your pool, because, let's be honest, you have a pool, duh! Because I have a pool, I have to be in shorts or, god forbid a bathing suit, in front of people, who are mooching my pool... Then I tried on shorts the other day... It got even uglier..... SO I bought "goal" shorts. Um, hell no I will NOT go up a size, I have a pool and I need to at least feel ok in shorts.

Mean while in a land far far away, where my Ya Ya lives (Seriously, move here already) we have decided we are gonna chase our dreams full of glitter, rainbows, and skinny clothes and put on our big girl pants and get serious again. (She's always serious, don't let her fool you. She will kick your ass). 

Yesterday I got my workout schedule from a trainer friend, WHOO HOO THANK YOU. I love me some hard core training and shit. I am one of those weirdos that likes boot camp style classes and the possibility there may be puke involved. However, today I got my food plan. Let's just say, um, I need to go buy a food scale. OH SHIT! ITS ABOUT TO GET REAL UP IN HERE!

This next week I am going to count on you, my readers and friend,s to keep me motivated and accountable to keep going strong and make this healthy change for good. Cus you know, I have a pool....

*** GIANT thank you goes out to the person, who I will not name (he's that cool), for taking the time out of your insane schedule to write my food plan and workout schedule. Not to mention believing in me enough that you made that effort.

Long Time, No See...

And by that I mean my sanity. But who are we kidding. We all know I'm a few crayons short of a full box. But the ugly crayons, like the weird ugly green, and that one yellow your not quite sure of.

Anyway a lot has happened, and by a lot, I don't mean anything BIG, just little stuff that as I look back shows me I am moving in the right direction.

Started getting up at 5:15am to work out 4 days a week
Severely cutting back on my sweets
Ran my first 5k

Wat should my next realistic goal be for next week? Help me out?? Have you made any small changes for the better, in life? financial? health?? I wanna hear about it!

WHUD UP BI-CHEEEES?

So I know I have been off the grid. But guesss whhaaaat? Doin good. Scale hasn't moved much but I will say this. No ice cream for me, doesn't mean I don't want some but I am hangin in there. Haven't been emotionally eating or sneaking food, yes bitch I sneak food, don't act like your so cool.

Knee has been ok, have been running when it's not raining and so far so good.

My musical tourettes is at an all time high so its safe to say my coworkers are lovin' me!

Just trying to keep the hope alive. The other day I broke down and asked for something I was too afraid to ask for.... and I'll tell ya kids. Who knew if you ask, you might get what you need... and I needed support and maybe a hug, but I won't openly admit that out loud. (hugs are forbidden)

So I have been asked if I want to do Tuff Mudder. I REALLY do but I am scared I can't get my ass together to do it. See, I am one of those go big or go home type of people and I HATE to let people down. Really good at letting myself down, but others, na' so mush. Has anyone out there done it? This also if followed up by a dream I have had, full of glitter and love..... sorry that's the coffee talking. I mean I have had this secret hidden awesomeness, a dream that I have always wanted to do and am really starting to wonder.... Can it be done??? Can I do it???  Am I too old and covered it fat stacky? Can fat stacky ever go away?? But I digress. I may be doing some research on the topic. Maybe one day when I find myself drunk blogging (it could happen, I drink....) I will tell you about it.

But until then, keep on rockin in the free world...

IT'S THUUUUURRRRSSSDAY!

And guess what!!! I didn't weigh in.... Ok, maybe I did, but I am not ready to talk about it. But I will say this, I am proud I have not given up, as I usually would have by now and for-fit to the fat. Instead I am going going back back to Cali Cali, sorry musical tourettes. I am going back to food journaling. I HATE food journaling but I also hate the look of my thighs and the awesome new fat I saw on them this morning as I got out of the shower... FACT: Did you know if you bend your knee to a 90 degree angle and look at the back of your leg your fat stacks up and looks HORRIBLE! Ok you can go look.... I will still be here when you get back.

OK?? I know right?! SHOCKING!!

SO now that you are just as depressed, ahemm, I mean motivated as me to get the fat stack less fat-stacky (ya I just made that up and I'm pretty sure that's how you spell it) start journaling too. YES it sucks, but it works. I like the myfitnesspal app. It's also online and free!! If you do it too please let me know and report your success next week. OK, readddddy BREAK. (Yes do the clap thing on your desk, do it! It's muscle memory people and you know you want to)

That Dude Wrote Some Deep Sh%@#T

"Your off to great places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting...

so get on you way!"

Dr. Suess.

So I wasn't going to blog today. I was going to quite. This morning as I got on the scale and thought "awesome, it didn't move, bla bla bla, you suck, why don't you just give up. Suddenly something in me just said OR DON"T. Holly shit now there is a revelation. Quitting is easy. Failure is an option. But you know what. My mountain is waiting. Right now I'm just chillin at the bottom, lookin up like I used to when we would go hiking every weekend when I lived in So Cal. But I LOVE to hike. Hiking is awesome, especially when you can do it with your best friend (I miss you!!!) So guess what, I'm gunna hike bitches! The dead guy was right... my ass just needs to get on my way. PERIOD.

Random other crap: My sister kicks serious ass and ran the Napa Valley Marathon yesterday. I will only admit this here because no one reads this shit anyway, I cried while driving to the first stop. I was so proud of her and all the people who trained and said "I know, my crazy ass is going to run 26 miles!" and they actually did it. Also, nothing makes you feel more motivated and yet like a tub of lard watching people double your age with 2% body fat run by you. (three times, I hit mile 8, 16 and the finish line)

Happy Monday, gotta go put on my hiking shoes bitches....

Movin' Marbles Thursday's

YAY! I got to move a marble today.... BACKWARDS! SHIT! So ya, guess who showed up to the party this morning when I got on the scale? ALL the SHIT I ate last weekend. And since I have a PHD in talking crap about myself in my head, so it began.

But lets go backwards first:

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my jacked up knee. I have a knee, its jacked up, apparently since 2004. WHAAAA? Since 1 YEAR.AGO. when I had my Xray and they found nothing and I was told to sit on my ass and ice it and rest it.... take advil. Ya, like I'm gunna do that. I have been working out off and on dealing with the pain and it waking me at night. So as I ramble what I am really trying to say is, what is the first thing they did when I walked the doctors office. They weighed me. Crying in front of the murse was NOT an option. I spent the rest of the appointment freaking out about the scale. Usually I would binge on ice cream and give up. But I knew I had weigh in this morning.

Ok, now we are back in present time. I am upset I gained a pound. I was really not wanting to write this and part of me thinks "hey, no one is reading it anyway so why even bother letting people know." But alas, here I am writting. For some reason, and I haven't figured out why its different this time yet, I am not going to eat ice cream. I am just going to keep going. I realize that if I really want to reach my goal there will be day's like this. Mama said so right? Well, not mine, but that lady from the song did. So I am going to keep going and NOT eat ice cream tonight to punish myself for gaining a pound. But I do have to work extra hard now to try and stay on track if I want to hit my 2 pounds down a week goal.

ADD Facts of the day:

A whole school full of kids in their PJ's are so adorable

People who smoke in the rain smell. really. bad.

I still want to eat the ice cream.

OMG I thought I saw my bicep!

Today I am feeling smaller. You know the kind were you are wearing the same jeans from earlier in the week so they are now stretched out and you have saggy butt but you tell yourself "no way, you are in it to win it and dropping some lbs'. Fake it till you make it people!!

This morning I did my bicep pose, don't act like you don't do a pose down ever so often, and I am pretty sure I am starting to see some guns poppin up. But summer I will be offering tickets.

*Tip of the day- find a buddy. Last night I called my fat girl sponsor to help me through my want for all things sugar. She talked me down and I am so lucky to have her doing this with me. She keeps me positive and in "the love bubble"

Thanks Soula!!! The best Greek friend a girl could have!